farewell two thousand nine

What an interesting year 2009 was. It marked the end of the first quarter of everything. I guess the first quarter of anything is a time to get a feel for what your competition's about. Competition being life in this context. My first quarter was spent making mistakes, pushing boundaries, making more mistakes, completely failing, coping with being a failure then rising from the ashes like a fiery phoenix heading into a thunder storm. 2009 was my first year as a professional anything. I had responsibilities. People counted on me for things. I made decisions that affected my life. I felt important... at times. Mostly useless... but sometimes important. I guess I spent 2009 growing up.

what. a. trip.

I think overall though... I kicked 2009's ass. I set sail at the end of 2008 with a list of accomplishments and I returned with goods to work with. I set the groundwork for what's ahead and 2010 is feeling like the feeling I get when seeing Vegas in the horizon after the drive through the desert and after losing half my money at Primm. Luxor never looked brighter.

I'm really gonna give it to 2010. I'm going to make 2010 wash her face and not let her apply lotion afterwards. I'm going to take 2010 to Knotts Berry Farm and not buy her a pickle. I'm going to make 2010 stare at the sun without blinking. I'm not going to scratch 2010's back when it itches. I'm going to make 2010 run 5 miles without breathing through her mouth. I'm going to kick 2010 in her shins until she says stop, then kick it again. I'm going to tell 2010 I love her and say just kidding. I'm going to make 2010 turn vegan then put meat products in her food. I'm going to tell 2010 she's fat. I'm going to diarrhea on 2010's bed. I'm going to break all the lead in 2010's lead pencils. I'm going to give 2010 a hard time for being lactose intolerant. I'm going to make 2010 wish it was 2009 again. I'm going to get 2010 pregnant then tell her I'm her biological brother.

2009 wasn't all that bad though.

10 things I loved about 2009:

1. Doing my own taxes.

2. Droooooid.

3. The Ellen hook up.

4. Stoning Eurydice.

5. Stratovolcanoe becoming the best band ever.

6. Hearting my job.

7. 3 miles in 22 minutes. 6 miles in 47. no big deal.

8. www.theraymondlee.com coming up on the first page when searching "Raymond Lee"

9. Learning I love children.

10. New York.

***

But on the real 2009 helped me to realize nothing is anything if it's without love. If it wasn't for the love and support of those closest to me nothing would work, nothing would matter. It's my love for you and for what I do and what I believe in that keeps me afloat.

My goal for 2010 is to spread more love.

Love my mom.

Love my friends.

Love my GOD.

the up and up

Although I've been prompted to do so, I am am not strictly writing because of Ms. (soon to be Mrs.) Jenny's orders. And while I average a post or two a month, the month of November came and went without any recognition. I'm glad someone had noticed. And although I had mentioned when starting this blog that it would serve more as a catalogue of my thoughts rather than a blog to be read, I can't help but wanting to write something relevant for the few who do stop by. Call it my hunger for approval but I don't like writing without a purpose. Or direction.

Let me just say that I have never spent a month so conflicted in my entire life than this previous one. I know for a fact November 2009 has changed my life forever but it's too soon to speculate as to what form it's taking upon. Had I written something and posted it in this public forum for the six of you who read this, you would be just as conflicted as I while staring at your blinking cursor in the empty comment box mining for some meaningful commentary on my situation. So in all reality I did it for you. I saved you from awkwardness. You're welcome.

In a clam shell, it was a month filled with many hours spent: staring out the window, laughing alone, crying with others, too much exercise, too much coffee, too many movies, not enough sleep and one too many cigarettes. At first look this may be the list of someone who may need the assistance of a "don't jump" team but don't be alarmed. Behind this rueful exterior stands a man inspired. If there is one thing I've come to learn about myself is the fact that my inspiration thrives on misery. Not to say that I'm happy when I'm not, or the other way around, but I am in my happiest state when I am inspired. So am I happy now? Yes.

While on the topic of keeping current with my insides allow me to stay current with my outsides as well. I've attained my goal of 2009 of becoming eligible to joined SAG. By the time October rolled around I began thinking of postponing this goal but luckily that wasn't necessary. I managed to book a Verizon commercial which is currently airing now! I was Taft-Hartley-ed. When I first saw myself on national television I admit I squealed. Then I ran around my restaurant asking everyone if they had saw it to validate but no one had. Upon minutes to updating my status on facebook my buddy Christine managed to find the commercial and sent it over. And for those of you who have yet to see it... tada!

There I am in the first few seconds! I am shamelessly happy about this and I thank everyone who showed me love. This is just the start. I've set my goals for 2010 and you'll only be finding out about it once it's been overcome, much like this instance.

But seriously. I love you all. Seriously.