because donuts don't wear alligator shoes

Oh boy, the last two weeks nearly killed me.  Just when I thought it was safe to write a post about dealing with a lull, I was slapped upside the face with a two ton dookie worth of bologna.  Keeping up with the Lakers and the World Cup would have been eventful enough but that would've been too easy.  Add work, auditions, showcases, rehearsals for showcases, graduations, play openings , rehearsals for play openings, weddings, basketball league games and a knick knack patty whack shoot for Verizon up in the mix and you have the perfect concoction for a reason to have cheese with that whine.  I'm spent.  But I'm also terribly addicted with being spent so does that make me self-destructive?  Or an addict?

Now that I've had a moment to catch my breath I just want to take this time to reflect on how awesome I think my community of friends are.  Without a solid support group I wouldn't be able to keep on keeping on the way I've been.  From the guys I chill with on a daily basis, to my family and my extended family at CCH.  To my friends at work and my peers on the grind.  To my moms and my dog Cookie.  I love each and every one of you.  Thank you for keeping it real.  And glory to God for his many blessings and for keeping me grounded in the truth.  Ya'll keep me on fire.

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And while I'm at it...

CHECK OUT MY PLAY

We've got just one more performance left.  It's no secret I love what I do so please come watch and support me at my happiest state of being.  I would love nothing else but to see your pretty faces there.

Some info...


GREENSCAPE @ 7:00PM
Moveable Piece in association with The Hollywood Fringe Festival

Hollywood Recreation Center
1122 Cole Ave.
Los Angeles 90038
(corner of Santa Monica & Cahuenga)
-street parking

Admission: FREE

The play takes place at the park.  Not a theatre.



MUCH LOVE



current read:  The Talent Code - Daniel Coyle
current tunes:  Flying Lotus

coffee makes my butt pee

I've been making good use of my time during this lull.  I've been studying stuff.  Stuff that may or may not be helping me but I'm pretty sure it's helping.  I'm watching something like two films a day and doing about two chapters of reading.  Not to mention listening to audio books when driving.  I was sent an audio book on "The Art of Seduction" by accident.  I'll give fair warning before I begin listening to it so you have time to lock up your wives and daughters.  Oh yes, studying.  If I had studied this hard in college things would've turned out differently.  I might've been Dr. Lee, Neurosurgeon super M.D. and this would've been my blog about brains. 

My topic of study for this past month was:
What makes YOU so SPECIAL?

WHY?  Brando?  Nicholson?  De Niro?  Pacino?  Jimmy Dean?  Steve McQueen?  Chaplin?  Clark Gable?  Dustin Hoffman?  Paul Newman?  huh?  WHY?

hey baby

What makes people want to do what you did?  

I'm learning, I know.  It is and always will be a work-in-progress.  Someone awesome once said something like "you don't know where you're going until you know where you've been."  I agree man.  So I'm learning where we've been so I know where to go.  That and for the moment right before I nod in approval when the topic surfaces at cocktail parties.

When you want for big things to happen so bad it's hard to throw your hands up and say "YES!" at the little victories, but you must to keep yourself sane.  Or at least to give the impression that everything is still wired correctly.  (sarcasm highly implied)

:)

And THIS!

YES!

staying the course

intro to 'spective

I've come to realize that it's easier to chart changes in your life on a daily basis than a yearly one.  Meaning, anything on the surface is easy to spot out, anything underneath the surface takes more effort to see.  Meaning, when all you care about is looking good on the outside, you're not taking time to notice what the hell is going on on the inside.  Meaning, it's been some time since I've taken the introspective approach.

To be comfortable is to stay away from the things you fear.  If you fear dying in a car crash then you drive slower.  If you fear bleeding to death then you avoid knives.  When you fear failure then you seek to avoid the risks resulting in your demise.  I'm thinking that everyone 'stagnant' is being victimized by failure.

I have a growing respect for anyone willing to make bold moves and even more respect to those that have failed making bold moves.

With that said... I'm considering drastic action.

riff raff

At my current state I am happy.

Not to say that I wasn't happy in the days preceding this one but just stating something that is fleeting and worth holding onto. It's weird that even amidst all things positive in my life I'm continually finding myself in need of assurance. It's probably to balance out all the rejection I have to deal with on a weekly basis. It's interesting how this occupation is making me extremely self-conscious and seemingly confident at the same time. Self-consciously confident. I guess it's because I'm always in a state of evaluating myself evaluating human behavior evaluating me. It's a vicious cycle and I don't recommend it.

I'm not sure but I think I come off sad in my posts. I think maybe I can attribute that to the tone in which the reader reads this or maybe the fact that I don't feel like writing anything when I'm playing. For those of you who think I'm always down, I'm not. I'm usually happy. And if I seem down, I'm not... I'm probably just thinking. I tend to think a lot. Not about anything important like world domination but stupid things like "If my fingers were longer I could probably grip a basketball." These thoughts inhibit me from doing two things at once which serves to be detrimental, usually in social situations. Because my tendencies are to observe, I find that I am unable to go about menial tasks such as, holding a conversation. Unless there is nothing going on around me chances are I am a horrible person to have small talk with. I'm easily distracted and easily amused. A volatile combination for someone who wants to know about how my car's running. And with being aware of my surroundings I am also conscious of it. I'm conscious of others being more or less conscious of me being conscious of them. Ayyyyyy... putting myself on blast.

On another note... for those of you who keep up with my daily riff raff on facebook, you know that I've reached a milestone in my career which I am unabashedly proud of... I am a duly appointed Federal Marshall. (Shutter Island anyone?)

No.

I've joined SAG!

Yes!

Along with that I just got off a two day shoot in San Diego where I played the lead singer of a screamo band. Guy-liner and all. It was majestic. The cast, the crew, amazing. Thank you for that.

Thank you for reading this and thank you for your support in my ever continuing quest to make ya'll proud. You're gonna love me! (Dreamgirls anyone?)

sf paradiso

Invigorated

: etymology in+vigor

:to give life and energy to: animate; stimulate.

That's probably the best way I can describe myself in the month of February thus far. I feel like I've recovered a little part of me that forgot how to lose control. I'd fallen victim to a subtle routine that went undetected for the past few months and it wasn't until I was forced to be at places against my will where I took notice of it. After a special little midweek getaway to Big Bear I was summoned by the almighty powers of SBE to drive directly to Hyde Lounge located at Mammoth to train new servers. Having with me only a bag of snowboarding clothes and a trusty companion, we took off for a 7 hour trip down one mountain and up another. It was nice. Work didn't seem like work. The whole trip felt like a rebellious act of liberation where we used the excuse of a long drive and long days to have twice as much fun than we normally would. Play hard, play harder. Then after 3 days of hard playing, we went home. But something didn't feel right. I got a taste of something familiar but couldn't hash out what it was. It was fun but fun in a different way. I needed to get away again. I then remembered making plans to head up north for the opening of Marisa's play. Yesss. So my good buddy AVG and I frantically got our shifts covered for the upcoming week and set sail.

The drive up was nice. We took the scenic route which took us to our first stop at Splash Cafe in Pismo Beach. We had their acclaimed clam chowder and later on stopped by an espresso bar called Espresso Bar. We thought it would be a great idea to keep a photo journal with descriptions of each cup of coffee we drank (being coffee snobs ourselves), but lost interest after having the horse piss they called coffee at this sordid establishment. So I guess that was that.

Espresso Bar review: sucked.

Hello SF, hello Marisa.. She's in her second year as a MFA student at ACT in SF handing out BJs to the IRS to avoid getting audited. Hotel Paradiso was the play her class put up and I will say that it ranks among the top 5 plays I've ever seen. It's amazing what magic comes about when you mix a bowl of flawed heroes, prefect losers, a plot, great acting with a sprinkle of absurdity. It was delicious. It was... invigorating.

Being with Marisa and Aaron felt like slipping into a familiar old shoe. Even though we've all been separated since last summer and another year prior to that, the chemistry between us still felt as smelly and comfy as our snotty undergrad years. We did a lot of catching up and talked about life and love. We didn't need to paint the town red or drift about after some bong rips, we just needed the company. Aaron and I got to sit in on one of Marisa's rehearsal of the play she's creating titled, "Alice". It was incredibly inspiring to see her work as a director and to see how much she's grown. Not height-wise, she's still 3'2", but mainly her focus to the work. It was like watching a cat do cat-stuff. I'm truly happy for both her and Aaron for pursing fulfillment through their art everyday. Incredibly, yep... that.

goodnight!

current read: The Peep Diaries- Hal Niedzviecki

current listen: Sade

recent inspirations

I'm not one to wander into a museum alone because I'm not that cultured. I never studied fine art so I can't tell you what brush strokes were used on what type of canvas and how that affected the surface of the bladdity blah and I don't know history well enough to understand the significance behind the 300 paintings of men wearing powdered wigs either. The only thing I can articulate is how something makes me feel. When I can get lost in a picture and can create some sort of dialogue from the painting, I get stuck. Sometimes I get stuck for a while and others maybe 5 seconds at a time. It usually depends on whether I've exhausted my perversion to it's potential.

Up until now, I've had tendencies to gravitate towards surrealists like Magritte and Dali plainly because they've got the universal sticky factor of making people go... "duuuuuude, that's a trip." But it wasn't until my recent visit to the Getty where I discovered the sticky factor of a fellow named Gustav Klimt. Now I'm sure he may be a household name for some but my Gustav hymen was still intact until recently. Don't snob.

I got stuck. I got lost in trying to figure if her look meant "I'm high" or "Gustav is the shit." Either way it turned me on. I rushed to the nearest art store and went to town on his stuff. I felt like a kid who's discovered tamarindo candies for the first time. Turns out his painting were even more arousing than his sketches.

This baby's called "The Tree of Life"

And this one is my favorite right now... "The Kiss"

So I think I'm going to start wearing more gold.

Happy February Februar Fevrier Febbraio Febrero!