Yet Another... Sticky Situation

Found this guy today... dead.  In hindsight I think perhaps the classic, medieval hammer trap would have been better than witnessing the aftermath of what the sticky trap can do to its prey.  Man this one was a hard pill to swallow.  It died with it's eyes open 'n everything.  Upon closer inspection I found bite/claw marks towards the left end on the pad leading me to believe that he was only partially stuck.  But once you're stuck, you're stuck for good.  So with his final gasp he went for it all and collapsed on it's side.  Poor thing.  What a horrible way to die. Imagine if they had some sort of torture device like this for humans.  I would take the guillotine over a sticky pad any day.  I hope this is it.  No more mice.  No mouse could churn this milk into butter.

Blisters & The Bowen Kings

Hello all!

So I've had what seemed to be an eventful Sunday so I'm going to share whether you like it or not.  As I'm writing this I want it go on record that my right hand is practically one giant blister and my right eye can barely open because apparently I have some sort of an eye infection.  This picture's not really clear enough to see all five blisters but I can tell you holding trays and refilling drinks with open blisters is no fun at all.  

Apparently I need to correct my grip.  

This.. AND an eye infection?  What the heck is wrong with me?  I woke up with my eye welded shut with pus.  Now I have to ditch my audition because my eyelid looks like a plum is sitting on it.  I know right... boo frickity hoo.

Anyway.. headed to work.  My first table was a party of 8.  This is good.  In the server world 18% or 20% gratuity is not always guaranteed unless you're white so whenever we see a party of 6 or more we slap on that grat without a moments hesitation, sit back and let the tips roll in.  This is unless they're white because sometimes they actually tip more that 20% and in this case we have to feel them out because adding grat might actually diminish your chances of making more.  Anywho, you don't care about that.  Well this party wasn't just any ol' party.  This was Bruce Bowen's party.

  For those of you who do not recognize this man he is the original "Kobe Stopper."  Unlike Ruben Patterson who's the lame, self-proclaimed "Kobe Stopper."  He's the real deal.  But honestly, who can really stop Kobe..  He probably came to eat his sorrows away after being pulverized by the Lakers.  In any case, I was admittedly star struck for a minute then realized wait, I'm supposed to hate this guy. After all, Spurs are really the only team I hate in the NBA.  But as I was serving him, something dawned on me.  Despite how I feel for him when he's wearing that stupid jersey, in a shirt and tie he's a lovely person.  This was the moment I realized, much like in acting, I hate the player (character) but not the person (actor).  Ahhh..  It all made sense.  So I looked past his unfortunate life as a Spur and carried on.

Nearing the end of my shift, having been practically stiffed by a Japanese couple straight from the motherland ($210 w/ $5 tip)... (aside)  A reminder for those who dine out, even with the worst service PLEASE try not to tip less than 10-15%.  Otherwise the server actually ends up paying for you because at the end of the day his total sales is what he bases the percentage of his tip-outs to bartenders, bussers, runners...etc.  So if you ring up their sales and don't tip, we pay out of our pocket to tip them out.  And honestly we do think the worst of you and hope we never see you again.  C'est la vie. (aside done)  

My final table were The Dap Kings.  

Immediately, I didn't recognize them but in my afterthoughts I realized I served an excellent group of musicians.  They're a funk/soul band that stays away from anything digital and keeps it real with an impressive horn section.  As of now they're the band for Sharon Jones who performed at the Club Nokia right above us.  You might know them best from playing with Amy Winehouse in her hit single "Rehab" in addition to playing on almost all her songs in her Back to Black album.  And you know despite the whole stigma with musicians/artists/celebrities being partying drunks, most of whom I've served drink water or iced tea.  These guys included.  Bummer for me but good for them!

Well that was my day in a turtle shell.  I'm off to see The Wrestler and from what I've heard and read I'm expecting to be blown away.  Otherwise I'll probably rant about it again.

Have an excellent week errbody and stay sexy!

**UPDATE

My eye seems to be doing better.  No longer a plum sitting on it rather a cherry tomato now.  Aww.. Jenny.  Thanks for your concern!

currently listening::  How Long- Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings

currently touching::  My eye.

A Sticky Situation

For the past few days there has been a vermin scurrying about my apartment.  Late one night after washing up for bed I heard  scratching coming from the kitchen and not the DJ turntable kind.  To be honest, I'm terrified of things that move faster than I can react to like, frogs.  I didn't want to confront this thing face to face so I just made loud noises hoping it would go away and never come back again.  The scratching stopped so I took a deep breath and went to bed.  

The next morning I woke up and peered underneath the kitchen sink in hopes of finding absolutely nothing that would indicate to me that I have new roommates living in my walls.  Between the rice container and the dog food was an ocean of plastic bags stuffed in there like the cotton inside of a vitamin bottle.  After removing the bags I found pellets of rat poo scattered everywhere.  I took a closer look at the rice container and found that the rat that had gotten to it and was maybe hiding somewhere hoping I wouldn't notice.  He would have gotten a kick out of me thinking it was multi-grain rice.  So I cleaned out the rat poo and disinfected the entire kitchen sink and threw away what I thought was the cause of the problem hoping I still didn't have to confront this horrid creature.

The next day I forgot all about it.  While watching a rerun of iCarly, I saw off the corner of eye something dart across the living room.  I didn't get a good look at it but I knew my eyes weren't deceiving me.  It's been three days, I've tried to give it a heart attack, removed it's main source of food, yet there was more poo than ever littered all over my kitchen.  Now I knew it was crapping everywhere because it just could.  It was mocking me.  The rat knew it was too fast for me and it knew I was scared of it.  Fine, you wanna play like that?  I ain't cleanin' up after you no mo.  I went across the street to Walgreens to find the greatest rat trap ever.  I saw the conventional rat traps, the kinds used in the Tom & Jerry cartoons, but then I pictured the sight of Jerry pinned underneath a metal rod with a broken neck as something that could potentially scar me forever so I continued looking.  I came across these poison pellets the rodent was supposed to think of as food.  I almost bought it then thought, what if it died somewhere I couldn't get to and I just had to live with the smell of rotting mouse?  Then I finally found a contraption that lured the mouse into it's little cave then once inside it instantly closed leaving the mouse with no escape until I felt like it learned it's lesson.  It was pretty expensive but I thought this was the cleanest, most civilized way of getting rid of it.  But then I remembered I had a manager who handled things like this so I left it at the counter and bought a pack of mints and a toothbrush instead.

This morning I went to the manager and she sent up someone to set up traps.  A few minutes later a 6'5 black man with an impressive physique comes in with tools in hand saying, "I hear you have a varmint living in your house."  Then continued to covered up the holes made by the rodent then set up a sticky trap underneath the sink.  About an hour after, I checked on the trap thinking I should maybe put bait on it but there was no need.  There it was.  A little brown mouse no bigger than the size of a Pink Pearl eraser.  The mouse looked as if it had been caught stealing and stayed still hoping I wouldn't see it.  I thought about the millions of things that must've been going through it's head.  I sat down and stared at the mouse for longer than I should've then closed the door hoping it wouldn't be there the next time I checked on it.  I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel about this situation.  Here was this rodent going about it's day, working to survive in it's world.  It may have not known it was doing anything wrong by crapping everywhere but only doing it in accordance to how all living things function.  Maybe the mouse would have cleaned up after itself if it knew that the poo was bothersome.  I wouldn't have minded feeding it.  I looked at it again and this time it had no shame in trying to escape.  It was squealing, thrusting it's rear in the air in hopes of freeing itself.  It somehow managed to get it's face stuck as well.  It kept thrusting itself forward, trying so hard it was shitting involuntarily.  There was nothing I could do to save it.  If I were to try to pull it off I would have ripped out it's limbs which were already mangled.  I couldn't stand witness to this any longer so I picked up the sticky pad and headed for the dumpster.  I don't know what compelled me to look but I wanted to find out whether it was a boy or a girl.  I didn't see any balls or anything that resembled a penis so I concluded that this giant rat that went pillaging through my kitchen at night, leaving it's territorial markings everywhere for me to see was merely a mother trying to find food for her children.  She was probably on her last excursion and headed home to tell her children that the rice mine was no longer there and that she was going to go elsewhere to find food.  So with one last goodbye I sent mother mouse down the chute to a place she would've called heaven if she had found it before finding my kitchen. 

EXCELLENT!

Get on it peeps!  Free Sundance shorts until Sunday courtesy of WIRED through iTunes.  I thought I'd share the wealth.

Thanks Howard!

The Curious Movie

Spoiler alert!  If you have not seen Benjamin Button do not read.  Or do.  Yeah, just read anyway.

From a director who cranked out such greats as Se7en, Fight Club, and Panic Room I would have to say Benjamin Button was his poor attempt at making a few great ideas materialize into nothing.  I like think to of David Fincher as a rouge saint in the movie business.  He (claims) to be anti-commercial, anti-happy endings, anti- many things.  He's outspoken of his likes and dislikes and knows exactly what he wants.  I believe he is the best at what he does in bringing gritty schizophrenic characters to life.  He's a trademark director.  You know it's a Fincher film by watching any 5 minute segment of any of his movies.  All his films have to do with an undercurrent of impending doom that carries the audience in bewilderment of how our hero will eventually fail.  This is what the audience expects.  This is what we want to see.  We like seeing doomed heroes through the mind of Mr. Fincher but NOT in a love story.  Well, maybe he liked this contrast.  Maybe this was a challenge for him.  I suppose you can't blame the story on him but I wonder how many of his choices involved leaving so many things unjustified for us.  At the end of the movie I found myself trying desperately to tether together how in the world this relationship could possibly work.  Not just the whole age thing but how or what attracted this little girl to a little old man?  Wait, she just knew he wasn't as old as he seemed so now she loves him forever.  Or maybe since the audience knew they were supposed to fall in love by watching the trailer, this process of early courtship was overlooked.  Or maybe it's just me.  But was I supposed to be happy when Button finally died?  Was he supposed to be a revival of a Forrest Gump that doesn't absorb information?  Or was Brad Pitt just supposed to be that bad?  I don't even want to get started on Mr. Bland Pitt.  Or maybe it was just the rock that was Cate that gave such a solid performance that it made Brad Pitt seem like a horny hummingbird in need of a nut bust.  Ah, I see, that's the symbolism behind the hummingbird in the film!  

(Breathe)

Honestly, I don't know why I'm so outraged.  It wasn't THAT bad.  I just think that David Fincher should adapt a modern day version of the Iliad instead because love stories are not his strong suit.  The film itself was shot beautifully.  He has a gift of visual story-telling as some scenes are simply breathtaking to watch.  My only problem was it's inconsistency in its flow due to the "what-the-heck" factor.  Nevertheless, the entire supporting cast was impressive along with the make-up.

Blah blah blahhh... sorry.. was a rant more than anything.  

I know I'm not capable of putting out anything better so consider this is me yelling behind soundproof windows.

::reading::    The Road- Cormac McCarthy

::listening::  My Girls- Animal Collective

Planet Earth: Raymomo style.

Happy MOANday!

I'm not really sure how this video clip will make you feel but I do know that you'll watch it to the end. I know I did. I couldn't look away. This is my favorite video of the day next to the long crowing roosters which will come at a later post.

Favorite #1: When friend contemplates watching then decides it's gross.(1:35)

Favorite #2: Trying to figure out how the female feels about the entire situation of what seems to be rape.

Favorite #3: The statue freeze.

*courtesy of Olivia Munn's weblog.

Enjoy.

Special Guest @ The Farm

Mary Had a Little Limb.

Hello my faithful readers!

Thank you to the few who do read this.  I love you.  I know it hasn't been much but I never promised to ooh and aah you did I?  Nope, I just promised that it would be about me.  

"Oooh Aahh"

Well, as the first post of the New Year I will give you guys a short recap of what 2008 was about for me in list form because I like lists... and forms.  

-I graduated college!  <---Amazing, ME, I know.

-Watched my best friend get married.

-Performed as a lead.

-Made it onto IMDB.  Look me up. Raymond Lee (X).  It's nothing impressive yet but like Britney's hair, it will grow.

-Shot two commercials.

-Starred in three short films.  One of which is on the festival circuit.

-Got a job.

-Got health insurance for the first time.

-Started this blog!

Enough bragging though.  

To be honest, the second half of this past year was hard.  I was pushed through one threshold after another of shit I didn't know I could endure until I did.  Feeling completely helpless at times I found that turning to prayer was only thing left to do.  Which resulted in a cathartic bawl to end all bawls to wrap up the end of the year.  I prefer not to get into details about my hardships nor am I writing to vent but this may be an alternative way of letting some of my friends know why I have been distant.  I've had to rearrange priorities that have been jumbled while I've been away from home.  I've bailed continuously on my friends and I'm sorry.  Believe me I hate flakes more than flakes hate Proctor & Gamble for making Head & Shoulders more appealing to the masses with a hip new logo.  

The moral of this entry is that, I feel that 2008 was a year of opportunities.  Opportunities presented itself in beautiful and hideous forms but it was what I did with each opportunity that made it beautiful or hideous.  My amazing friends and peers have helped me to place things into perspective.  I've learned this past year that every opportunity can be made into something beautiful.  If something sucks, it's an opportunity to see that it sucks and then learn to grow from the suckyness of it.  My hope for 2009 is to make everything around me beautiful that suck.

I wrote a very short story last night and I wish to share it with you.

Mary Had a Little Limb

Mary had a little limb.

She was afraid people would look at it and laugh so she hid it the best she could.

Rude people called her T-Rex.

Nice people called her unfortunate.

Good people didn't say a thing.

But the best people made their own limbs short so Mary wouldn't feel like she was different.

Mary once had a longer limb and everyone thought she was perfect including herself.

Mary was even praised for her limb and people said her limb would make her famous.

Now that her limb is little Mary feels lost and hopeless.  

All she wants now is her limb back because she knows that she took it for granted.

Good night loves!

reading::    Doubt- John Patrick Shanley

listening::  Peacebone- Animal Collective 

touching::  My dog Cookie's ears